Your most memorable year

Last night on Dancing with the Stars the theme for the night and song selection was determined by choosing the most memorable year of your life. I am a reality show junkie. No better way, for me, to turn off my brain and relax. TV was so hard for months, it seemed that I couldn't escape reminders or triggers. Wildlife shows are the worst, those poor animal parents are always losing their young. So reality TV is where it is at, but sometimes it still sneaks up and gets me. While watching last night their story lines didn't necessarily move me to tears, but I was crying. I was thinking about what my most memorable year was. If I had to chose one year, just one, it would be 2013.

So many years have impacted my life. In 2004, Kevin and I graduated college, exchanged vows, and started our life together. In 2007, Hackett arrived, my heart grew in a way I didn't know was possible, and I found my purpose in motherhood. In 2008, we moved to California, where I had to stretch and grow, and where we became a very tight family of three. In 2012, we came back to Michigan and knew we were "home". This year has brought us trials, but also the blessing of our Tobin, our miracle. 

2013. The year started with such joy as we looked forward to Koen becoming part of our family, but there were struggles occurring too. Hackett was dealing with anxiety, as a result of the demands of being in school full day. That was only compounded after he broke his arm on Christmas day and required surgery. As 2013 begun we were still reeling from that trauma. So hard to watch him struggle both physically and emotionally, while trying to keep a stress-free home for Koen to safely grow. I wasn't very successful. I will always wonder what role my stress played. I was already learning how to balance to my energy between two little loves.  On May 27th, 2013, we heard the words "I should see his heart beating there, and unfortunately, it's not". In 2013, I buried my second child four days after I gave birth to him.  I walked around in a grief-filled haze.  It felt dream-like.  It was quiet.  Colors were brighter.  Hackett's laugh was sweeter.  My love for Kevin grew stronger.  Small moments were more treasured.  Tears rolled down my cheeks with ease.  Being a mom became an even greater gift.  For the first time in my life I felt fine being selfish.  I felt close to Koen in that grief-filled place.  I found a strange sense of peace residing in that place.  It slowly started to slip away, and I miss it.  I still miss it.  Strange, really.  I realize now that God was holding me, not only in His hands, but tight against His chest so I felt safe and comforted.  My view from that vantage point changed my life.  I grew.  I am changed.  In 2013, I lost Koen and became pregnant with Tobin.  It will forever be my most memorable year.  

What is your most memorable year?