My eyes seem to easily well up with tears this week. God has brought so many to my mind, I feel their sadness, and my heart is heavy with empathy.
It has been over a year since our serious fight for Tobin's life began. On February 13, 2014, I raced to the emergency room from Hackett's elementary school. My whole body was shaking, I was quite sure that we had lost our second baby in 9 months. Seeing Kevin's car pull up next to mine while driving down the main road to the ER and our heartsick looks to one another through our car windows, the sterile room we waited in, the doctors face when he referred to Tobin as a fetus, the sobs of relief during the ultrasound, are all etched into my memory. I am realizing that I have not dealt with the many emotions I kept in check while fighting for Tobin's life. I can't believe what I had to endure, what I did endure. Not only the death of one baby, but the potential of death of another. What we faced was so horribly tragic, but so beautifully miraculous. I am realizing just how strong I am, how strong my faith is, and how deep my mommy love is.
It seems that every time we (and I speak for us all) turn around in life, tragedy of varying degrees strikes. Life on this earth is not perfect, it was never intended to be, it was never promised to be. Happiness, peace, joy, contentment, all comes when you learn to how weather the storm. When you learn that the storm cannot be faced alone, but with the help of the Lord and those you love, you can reach the other side and breathe. Even if it is for just a few moments until the next wave comes crashing in. Tonight as I type, our extended family is facing tragedy, but it is not bleak, not insurmountable, it is the best case scenario, given the situation. Tonight as I type, there is a family in our town who is preparing to saying goodbye to the sweet one and half year old baby girl. Tonight as I type I grieve for those lives that were brutally taken by extremest. Tonight as you read, maybe you are hurting too. Thank God that He has given us these promises to hold to. He will hold you during the storm. My prayer is that you feel His arms around you.
I am Jackie.