The first day of school has never been fun for me. Kindergarten. I rocked kindergarten, but after that the fun was over for me. I was anxious, scared of all the new and unknown, sad to say goodbye to summer and the freedom of my creative time. My mom tells the story of how I cried so hard the night before school started that I couldn't even speak. "I. Don't. Want. To. Go. To. School." I would say while sobbing. Then I went to college, and it didn't get any easier. So difficult for me, that I came home after one semester, and returned the following year. But every start of the semester was hard. Traumatic. When I taught I was anxious too. And then my high schoolers stared at me like I was an alien. That didn't exactly help to ease my nerves.
Struggling with the images today. I cannot even bear to read more than the headlines right now. My heart is shattered for little Aylan's mom, and the countless momma's who are trying desperately to keep their babies safe. Safe. I don't leave home without Tylenol and a five point harness car seat - still rear facing - for Tobin, and this momma ... I cannot imagine. I just read this and it articulated my feelings so well.
*** I just got the courage to read. It gets even worse. Aylan's 5-year-old brother and mother also drowned. Their father is all that remains. I am broken for him.
Tears roll down my face, remembering what it is like to hold a dead lifeless baby in my arms.
I am Jackie.