Celebrate the Sadness
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You have transformed this year ...

12/10/2020

2 Comments

 
I have been a mom for fourteen years now.  You made me a mom.  You opened parts of my heart that I didn't even realize existed.  I fell in love with you with every ounce of my being.  I remember putting you in a shopping cart as a baby barely able to sit up in the seat.  I would walk around the store with you in awe that you were mine and that I was a mom to such an incredible little human being.  You continued to be my shopping buddy, almost every day in California you and I would venture out to all the different stores that we had right out our back door.  I remember at the time thinking that moment would last forever.  That I would forever walk through parking lots with you holding my hand.  Then I blinked and your 13th year of life happened all during a global pandemic.  I watched the world shift and change while watching the same happen with you in my house.  Your voice shifted,  you grew taller, your humor developed, your confidence flourished, and you grew even taller.  You don't put your hand in my hand any more, now you come up beside me while I am making dinner and rest your head on my shoulder.  You verbalize your gratitude for each small thing I do for you.  You are happy to help with chores, quick to swoop in and do the heavy lifting.  You ask about my day and intentional questions about me.  You have grown in so many ways, but this year I see what kind of man you will be and I have never been more proud.  If you love your mom this well, how well will you love your wife some day?  I know my days will soon be numbered as your number one girl, so I will savor it as long as I can.  I am celebrating the sadness of you growing up far faster than I thought possible.   
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2 Comments
Jen
1/3/2021 05:12:33 pm

This made me cry! It’s exactly how I feel!!! So beautiful! ❤️❤️😭❤️❤️

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Jackie
1/4/2021 11:03:47 am

Love you, Jen. So glad we are in this together. ❤️❤️😭❤️❤️

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    Author

    I am Jackie.
    I am a child of the one true King.
    I am a wife to my high school sweetheart, Kevin. 
    I am a mom to my three sons - Hackett, Koen (my little angel), and Tobin. 
    I am experiencing loss, heartache, and grief.  On May 27, 2013, at 26 weeks and 6 days I went into the hospital with contractions, only to learn that my Koen's sweet little heart had stopped beating.  
    Tobin was born July 8, 2014.
    I am on a journey . . .

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