We are going to have a baby ...

That statement almost doesn't seem real. When you hold your breath for so long, you almost forget how to breathe. I am looking forward to breathing again, living again.

On this 4th of July as I feel Tobin wiggling I am looking out the window, watching and feeling the breeze, thanking God that he is still alive. In my body, that was clearly not designed to be the baby factory I used to joke about in college, Tobin has defied all odds. He did not face death inside me like his brother. I will continue to hold my breath these next 4 days, praying that my little fighter keeps battling, and dream of hearing his cry at delivery. I think only then will I accept that Tobin is mine, I get to keep him, he won't be taken from me, that we get to bring him home and watch him grow up. Then I will be able to breathe. I can't wait ...