Celebrate the Sadness
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We are going to have a baby ...

7/4/2014

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That statement almost doesn't seem real. When you hold your breath for so long, you almost forget how to breathe. I am looking forward to breathing again, living again.

On this 4th of July as I feel Tobin wiggling I am looking out the window, watching and feeling the breeze, thanking God that he is still alive. In my body, that was clearly not designed to be the baby factory I used to joke about in college, Tobin has defied all odds. He did not face death inside me like his brother. I will continue to hold my breath these next 4 days, praying that my little fighter keeps battling, and dream of hearing his cry at delivery. I think only then will I accept that Tobin is mine, I get to keep him, he won't be taken from me, that we get to bring him home and watch him grow up. Then I will be able to breathe. I can't wait ...

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    Author

    I am Jackie.
    I am a child of the one true King.
    I am a wife to my high school sweetheart, Kevin. 
    I am a mom to my three sons - Hackett, Koen (my little angel), and Tobin. 
    I am experiencing loss, heartache, and grief.  On May 27, 2013, at 26 weeks and 6 days I went into the hospital with contractions, only to learn that my Koen's sweet little heart had stopped beating.  
    Tobin was born July 8, 2014.
    I am on a journey . . .

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