Celebrate the Sadness
  • Blog

Time froze

8/21/2014

0 Comments

 

As I am bustling around getting ready for our Thank GOD Thank YOU party this Saturday I needed to sort through a few piles. Piles that have been building and growing for quite some time. They are filled with the kind of random things that only I can sort through. Piles that have been driving Kevin crazy, but that he hasn't been able to do anything with. After May 27, 2013 time stood still for me. It froze. Today when sorting through piles over a year old, I found my planner from 2013. In May life was busy, Koen's name is written in as I planned certain days designated to him (to prepare his room or complete a sewing project). In June there is nothing. How telling. It was a tragically empty month for me. I walked through that month in a haze. Time froze.

I found another planner for 2013, a school planner. In September time began to move again. Even before I was ready, I found myself employed. I had a job I applied for when I was pregnant in May, and declined to interview for just weeks later, in June. How could I interview when I could barely get out of bed? By the grace of God the door opened again in August. It forced me get out of my head, out of my grief, and to join the world again. Could there be a better distraction than a room full of high schoolers? I think not. They brought me joy, laughter, challenges, purpose, and love. I had lost one child in 2013, and to fill that void God brought me three classrooms full of kids. They became "my kids", my big kids. Their lives and stories touched my heart and blessed my life. I was devastated when I had to leave "my kids" in February, after complications with my pregnancy with Tobin. Those big kids helped bring me back to life and they didn't even know it.

School officially starts next week for teachers. I will miss being in the classroom this year, but am beyond grateful for the opportunity to be home with my own little kids this year. But I am already looking forward and planning for a whole new crew in the 2015-2016 school year that will once again become "my kids". Time froze, but I am thankful it started to move again so quickly for me. Many are not blessed with 60 high schoolers to bring them back to life.

Picture
Picture
Picture
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Author

    I am Jackie.
    I am a child of the one true King.
    I am a wife to my high school sweetheart, Kevin. 
    I am a mom to my three sons - Hackett, Koen (my little angel), and Tobin. 
    I am experiencing loss, heartache, and grief.  On May 27, 2013, at 26 weeks and 6 days I went into the hospital with contractions, only to learn that my Koen's sweet little heart had stopped beating.  
    Tobin was born July 8, 2014.
    I am on a journey . . .

    Archives

    May 2019
    April 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    September 2018
    July 2018
    April 2018
    February 2018
    December 2017
    October 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    November 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013

    Categories

    All
    How To Help Others
    Koen's Story

    Enter your email address:

    Delivered by FeedBurner

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
  • Blog