As I am bustling around getting ready for our Thank GOD Thank YOU party this Saturday I needed to sort through a few piles. Piles that have been building and growing for quite some time. They are filled with the kind of random things that only I can sort through. Piles that have been driving Kevin crazy, but that he hasn't been able to do anything with. After May 27, 2013 time stood still for me. It froze. Today when sorting through piles over a year old, I found my planner from 2013. In May life was busy, Koen's name is written in as I planned certain days designated to him (to prepare his room or complete a sewing project). In June there is nothing. How telling. It was a tragically empty month for me. I walked through that month in a haze. Time froze.
I found another planner for 2013, a school planner. In September time began to move again. Even before I was ready, I found myself employed. I had a job I applied for when I was pregnant in May, and declined to interview for just weeks later, in June. How could I interview when I could barely get out of bed? By the grace of God the door opened again in August. It forced me get out of my head, out of my grief, and to join the world again. Could there be a better distraction than a room full of high schoolers? I think not. They brought me joy, laughter, challenges, purpose, and love. I had lost one child in 2013, and to fill that void God brought me three classrooms full of kids. They became "my kids", my big kids. Their lives and stories touched my heart and blessed my life. I was devastated when I had to leave "my kids" in February, after complications with my pregnancy with Tobin. Those big kids helped bring me back to life and they didn't even know it.
School officially starts next week for teachers. I will miss being in the classroom this year, but am beyond grateful for the opportunity to be home with my own little kids this year. But I am already looking forward and planning for a whole new crew in the 2015-2016 school year that will once again become "my kids". Time froze, but I am thankful it started to move again so quickly for me. Many are not blessed with 60 high schoolers to bring them back to life.