Celebrate the Sadness
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Those moments

10/19/2015

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I have had the song Good, Good Father on repeat all week.  Tobin and I turn it up on our big speakers in the kitchen.  He worships God, hands in the air dancing.  He can't get enough.  My mom witnessed it this week, and I was chatting with some friends about it at church yesterday.  God fills their precious little hearts so early, and we are called to worship him with hearts like theirs.  What did he see in my womb?  Did the angels wrap themselves around him and keep him safe?  When I was admitted to the hospital at 24 weeks and the doctors were telling me that when Tobin would be born they would put him into a warming device that looked like a garbage bag, was Koen watching over his little brother?  Does he know what a miracle he is?  That medically, he should not be here free from all medical issues?

Today, I was singing and picking up the house, and Tobin was dancing with both hands held all the way up.  I scooped him up, he put his head on my shoulder, gripped my shirt tight with both his precious little hands, fiercely hugged me, and cooed sweetly, as we danced for five minutes listening to our favorite song.  Tears dropped from my eyes as I held my precious youngest son, who embodies the goodness of my Father.  I praised God from the depths of my soul, knowing that this would be one of those moments that is blazed into my memory.  As we danced I fast forwarded, knowing his life will continue to race by me, and one day I will dance with my baby on his wedding day.  My good, good, Father, has a plan for Tobin's heart and life.  He needed Tobin to walk this earth for His glory.  
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    Author

    I am Jackie.
    I am a child of the one true King.
    I am a wife to my high school sweetheart, Kevin. 
    I am a mom to my three sons - Hackett, Koen (my little angel), and Tobin. 
    I am experiencing loss, heartache, and grief.  On May 27, 2013, at 26 weeks and 6 days I went into the hospital with contractions, only to learn that my Koen's sweet little heart had stopped beating.  
    Tobin was born July 8, 2014.
    I am on a journey . . .

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