The last few days, after talking with my many doctors, we have a plan. In the hospital I am exposed to a lot of different people and as a result, germs. They have explained that it is often safer to be at home. And better for my mental health too! My doctor will examine my cervix this Tuesday and if there is no change and if I continue to be contraction-free (which I have been, praise God), then I will get a ticket home. After a few weeks of no changes under close monitoring and being 26 weeks they fully support, and even encourage that decision. The down side is that Tobin will not be on a monitor every 8 hours, which gives us great reassurance, but thankfully I feel my strong little man often. If I go into labor or have any changes we will make a fast dash back here, because it is the safest place for Tobin. The doctors will be on-call day or night, so I will continue to have that support. I will be on full bed rest at home, so much so, that they are checking with our insurance to see if we can get a hospital bed on our main floor. I will be first floor bound, but I will be home.
I am asking that you pray for this plan to fall into place. I am remaining as strong as possible, but it is so very hard to be away every night from my boys. This will be my tenth night. Only once have I made it past my bathroom door in the hospital. Before then I didn't even know what the halls looked like. I have one view. Want to know what I stare at? A plastic bag that is caught high up in a tree. It has been stuck since I have been here. The solitude and lack of change makes you a little nuts. Every day I look forward to the night, when I know the hours will pass more quickly while I sleep. I also know that when I wake I will have kept Tobin safe for one more day.
We have not shared this with Hackett, yet, and not sure if we will. He has been doing awesome, but told Kevin tonight "I miss mom". He's trying to be strong, but the more days I am away the harder it is. Kevin is tired too. Being mom and dad to Hackett, driving back and forth the hospital everyday, working, and coaching baseball is a lot. If I am home, it will be one less thing on his plate. I feel myself looking forward to Tuesday with great antcipation and if there is a change it will be disheartening, so please send those petitions up high for me, my friends. I want to go home and keep my Tobin growing safe for many more weeks! xoxo
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