Such relief

I breathed a sigh of relief  today as I drove home from receiving my vaccination.  Anxiety has ebbed and flowed my entire life.  When it is triggered the mental exhaustion of it is so heavy.   Health issues have become my kryptonite since Koen's death.  This year, the weight of my fears has been heavy.  My body has failed our family in the cruelest way.  Koen's cause of death was not because his body was imperfect, but because mine was.  After some digging in therapy I was able to pinpoint that any small issue makes me fear that my body will fail again, with only little warning.  So I am hyperaware of every imperfection and internal feeling trying to cut death off at the pass, for fear of leaving my boys.  I was given the gift of relief today.  Such relief.