Still learning to trust

The tests continue. Tomorrow I go for an ultrasound. My enzyme level for my liver is elevated. We have ruled out some potential causes with bloodwork and now my doctor wants to get a better look. My fear is cancer, which has no symptoms until it is advanced. I have no symptoms, yet I have a problem and that is scary. I am actually praying for fatty liver disease (also symptom-free). That gives me an answer, causes no potential issue until later in life, and is reversible. It's causes can be blood pressure, weight, diabetes, and even muscle damage. In the last six months I can check all those boxes. My leg and foot are still numb, muscles still tight. My diabetes is now gone, although I will be tested again for that soon. My blood pressure is under control with the help of medication. My weight is not new news to me. My doctor assures me that my body has been put through the ringer and bedrest is most likely to blame. I haven't moved in so long, still my ability to exercise is limited because of my leg and limp.

So I must remind myself that it is far easier to fight these medical battles, then it would have been to watch Tobin endure fighting for his life. I must continue to trust. Even after this year, where my ability to trust God was put to the test, it doesn't get easier. I am human and I fear the unknown. I have two precious boys who need their mom to be healthy. Please pray for a favorable outcome tomorrow, for peace, and the strength to continue to trust. Thank you.