Small goodbyes

The biggest blessing walked into our house in October and hasn’t left since, our exchange student.  He is leaving us in just over a week, and none of us are ready to say goodbye.  We love him like our own.  In this year he has become our family.  It felt so natural when he moved in.  Within a few weeks it was like he had always been here, so it is hard for me to now imagine my house without him in it.  This special human of a guy and his sweet spirit and fun personality made an impact on our little community, he is so loved.  Watching him form bonds with each of us in our family has been the most precious thing to witness.  Watching him walk out of our home for the last time and into the airport is going to be so difficult for our little family, but we would not trade our time with him for anything.  Knowing him and loving him was more than worth it.
 
I was talking with some friends this past week about our growing boys and how different sons are from daughters.  If I do this mom thing right, my boys will leave me.  Their wives will become their sole confidants, their sounding boards, their cheerleaders.  It doesn’t mean that I won’t be there for them, that they won’t ever share, but me being the person they run to first, will end.  Their happiness and fulfillment in their grown-up lives, the bond they will share with their wives someday, depends on me letting go.  And it’s starting.  I am starting to let go, to trust that we have equipped our oldest with the tools he needs to face hard and adversity, and more importantly how to love well.  And he is doing just that, all of it, without us, and it is humbling to watch.  The emotions of it all are overwhelming.  The grief for me, knowing that this part of my role is slowing coming to a close with him.  But man, the unbelievable pride for who he is and what is to come for him trumps all. 
 
Hosting this year wasn’t in our plans, not even on our radar.  He was the gift we didn’t know we needed, and one Kevin and I said yes to immediately without even knowing how it would all work.  Having him here has given me a glimpse of what life would have been like with 3 sons in our house.  He blessed my life with so much, and he is so much more to us than that, but getting to experience a fuller house is something I will forever cherish.  I have said goodbye to one son, it was a very abrupt and final this side of heaven.  Now I prepare to say goodbye to my host son, but it’s not sudden this time, we knew it was coming all year.  So I have been busy cherishing and savoring my time with him, so that I will forever remember this most precious special year.  And it’s not forever this time, he will forever have a home in the US and we will forever have family in Spain.  Visits won’t ever be quite the same, but we have those planned in our heads already and I am looking forward to seeing him again.
 
I have two years left with our oldest in our home.  The series of tiny goodbyes, and letting go has been happening for years.  I had him when I was 26, and I was so naïve.  Life seemed to take forever when I was that age.  I thought his time with us would go so slow.  Eighteen years sounded like an eternity, like I would never have to let go or when I did, it would be so far away, that I would be ready.  No matter the age or the circumstance, I don’t think a mom heart is ever really ready.  With each year it seems to go faster than the last, and it feels like high school is happening in the express lane.  My greatest joy will come from watching him grow and become who he is meant to be the next two years, and with each passing milestone and “last” I will be saying small goodbyes.