Celebrate the Sadness
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5/28/2014

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Thank you for the texts and messages the past few days. The acknowledgment means so much. Koen was the sweetest little thing, and not being able to know him hurts our hearts, but in the past year we have found peace.

Koen is doing a good job watching over his little brother. Tobin is doing good. 31 weeks! Our miracle mark. At 25 weeks after an ultrasound with my specialist, he told us if we were able to make it to 31/32 weeks it would be "possible" to make it to term. At this point in your pregnancy the pelvic structure starts to take over the weight of carrying the baby and lightens the pressure on the cervix. After he explained this, he quickly followed the statement by saying, "it would be a miracle if you made it to that point". We have made it, praise God! I may not be able to make it full term, but we have made it seven weeks longer than anticipated. Seven weeks after the NICU doctor came to tell us the scary statistics of delivering at 24 weeks. That doctors goal for us was 35 weeks, because in theory, at that gestation Tobin would be able to breathe on his own. We are less than four weeks from that safety point.

I went to my weekly doctors appointment yesterday and learned that my urinary infection was very minor, not something they would treat someone for normally, but given my history they are not messing around. After tests were done when we had Koen, it was the same - a very minor urinary infection that wouldn't have even been treated had they had known. I will go next week to see if the infection is gone. I will be on a daily antibiotic until Tobin arrives to ward off any return. We have also decided, with our doctor, to schedule my c-section at 37 weeks. God willing I make it that far. At that point, Tobin still runs a few minor risks arriving early, but is at full gestation. We don't want to run the risk of keeping him any longer than he has to, given that my body has not proven to be a safe place. I don't know the exact date yet, but it would be the second week of July. Six weeks away. Six weeks from a safe and healthy baby. Between my ER visit in February and being admitted to the hospital in April my movements have been limited. I went out to eat just a few times (and was dropped off at the door), I have not been inside a store, or had my hair cut. My biggest adventures were picking up Hackett from school, voting for a millage, visiting my students twice, and going to my doctors appointments. Six more weeks feels like a blink of an eye in comparison. I just pray that I have the opportunity to keep him safe for six more weeks!

We also want you to mark your calendars for our Thank God, Thank You Party! Saturday, August 23, we will be having an open house style party at our house. You can pop in anytime in the late morning/early afternoon. We will have a brunch set up, a bounce house, and a giant slide. The back yard will be filled with FUN too! We want you to meet Tobin, hug you and thank you, celebrate your support this last year, and thank God that we have made it!

I just received word from my school district, that the school board has approved a one year leave absence for the 2014-2015 school year. I am so grateful for a job, school, and community that would support my desire to be home with my infant son. My heart was torn over my decision to potentially leave a position that was clearly tailor made by God for me. A place where I can touch hearts, minds, and prepare these "big kids" for adulthood. The thought of leaving Tobin, after fighting so hard for him, pulled at my mama heart. Thankful, for the ability to stay with my Tobin the first year and then return to my "big kids" in the fall of 2015.

3 Comments
lena soper
5/28/2014 02:18:19 am

so happy for all the good news. keep up the good work. we will be planning on celebrating with you in aug. love, gram

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Jodi Heldt
5/28/2014 02:28:22 am

Such good news Jackie!! Praising God for Tobin's health and praying for protection for the next 6 weeks. Take care!!!

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Patrice Goward
5/28/2014 06:51:16 am

Great news! I think about you everyday! Did they tell you I am teaching 2 business classes next year (comp. office apps & accounting) and 2 consumer science classes (foods & child dev). I'll keep your room warm and intact until you get back!

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    Author

    I am Jackie.
    I am a child of the one true King.
    I am a wife to my high school sweetheart, Kevin. 
    I am a mom to my three sons - Hackett, Koen (my little angel), and Tobin. 
    I am experiencing loss, heartache, and grief.  On May 27, 2013, at 26 weeks and 6 days I went into the hospital with contractions, only to learn that my Koen's sweet little heart had stopped beating.  
    Tobin was born July 8, 2014.
    I am on a journey . . .

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