My sweet Hackett
Hackett was missing mom this weekend and having a rough evening. Kevin decided to share with him the hope that we were clinging to, that all would remain normal and that I would be going home on Tuesday. He watched the house being prepped for my return, and just like us, was excited.
Kevin picked him up from school yesterday so that he would be the one to share the bummer news with him. The first thing out of his mouth when he saw Kevin, was "is mom home?". Kevin told him no and explained in Hackett terms why. He buried his head in Kev's side as they walked out of school. When they got in the car he lost it and sobbed for five minutes before Kevin could even leave the parking lot. They left and went for ice cream. While driving, he told Kev, "Dad, I love Tobin, but I guess I care more about myself, because I want mom home". How truthfully human. I am so thankful that my 7-year-old is in touch with his feelings and shares them. Ice cream perked his spirits, but later in the evening he had some more questions. He wanted to know if Tobin would live this time. He understands that Tobin will be born before he's ready and will have to stay in the hospital so he was wondering if he would be able to see him and touch him. All such valid and heartbreaking questions, but again, I am thankful that he is asking them.
Hackett and Kevin came to visit me this evening. He arrived with his top hat, magic wand, and tricks ... to cheer me up. I got a lot of snuggles, belly rubs, and lippy kisses. He got a lot of reassurance of how much I love him, miss him, and am proud of him. He is doing good handling everything, but just like us, he is sad that this is occurring.
While Kevin and Hackett were here, my doctors came in to tell me that two of my four numbers from my three hour glucose test were just barely out if the normal range. I have gestational diabetes. My diet should be enough to control it, but it is one more thing. The last 11 months have been beyond emotionally exhausting, and I am spent.
I have done a lot of staring today. At my plastic bag, my sweet pictures on the wall, and my beautiful flowers. One of my doctors said today that I have the best room she has ever seen. Thank you to everyone who has helped make it as cheery as possible.
4/23/2014 10:43:00 pm
Those days are hard; when you just get told one. Ore thing and you feel like you can't take anymore. I've been there, and I understand. I can still remember vividly the day I thought I was going to get to go home after four weeks in the hospital. . . . . But things had changed and the doctor said "no". I sobbed for hours and wanted to give up. But, ultimately, I knew I needed to be where it was safest for my little bean. . . . Who is 5 1/2 now. I know these days are long and difficult and oh so emotionally draining but god will not leave you alone; he will give you strength, encouragement and grace to handle this time . . . You share HIS light through the words you are write. Hang in there . . Praying for you daily!
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I am Jackie.