At the hospital where I delivered Koen they play a lullabye over the hospital speaker every time a baby is born. When Hackett and I attended his big brother class we had the joy of hearing that sweet music. No lullabye was ever played during my 27 hours at the hospital, but two babies were born that night. In another room down the hall another baby was born on May 27, 2013, and there was another grieving mother.
When the funeral home came to pick up Koen, they picked up another precious baby. We were given options about what could be done with Koen. We could choose to take on the responsibility financially to bury Koen or a local funeral home would take him and bury him for us. If we chose the latter option, which was referred to as as Babyland, Koen would be buried properly, but we would not be present and would not know his location. We chose to bury Koen ourselves., My heart's desire was to have him near us. The funeral home representative was a little confused when he picked up Koen and he referenced Koen going to Babyland before we corrected him. Hours later when I was unable to sleep I called for my nurse. I was worried that somehow these two precious babies would be mixed up. I wanted to know that it would truly be Koen buried between me and Kev. My nurse explained that both babies had on identity bracelets and reassured me that we would get our Koen, She also told me the other baby was much tinier than Koen and that it was the one going to Babyland - hence the confusion. My heart broke and continues to bleed for this other mother.
We were blessed to have a funeral service for Koen with loved ones surrounding us. Kevin was able to carry Koen right to his gravesite and lay him to rest. I get to go and visit Koen, water his flowers, kiss the ground, talk, pray, and cry. We are not alone in this heartache, so many lose the babies they love during these 9 months. My hope is that we can somehow help those who aren't able to bury their babies around the corner from their house. I don't know what this will entail or look like, but it has been on my heart for weeks. Today I turned my blog into an actual website. http://www.celebratethesadness.org now exists. I pray that one day we can assist other grieving mothers (and their families) to Celebrate the Sadness.
I am Jackie.