My Hackett

My sweet Hackett.  He cried on Christmas, big tears, missing Koen. missing being a brother.  After he hugs me he sweetly he hugs my belly.  He did this Koen, even for weeks after Koen died.  Still needing to have a connection to him in some way.  He will come in from outside and tell me things Koen has written in the clouds for him.  A few weeks ago a bluebird landed on our windchimes, windchimes we had gotten as a gift after Koen's passing.  Little signs from our Little Muffin that Hackett savors.

On Friday, when snuggling in bed he started to talk and sing to the baby.  "Hi Adora or Tobin, this is your big brother.  I love you."  He is once again getting attached to the idea of being a big brother.  He asked me if we would have another baby after this one.  When I told him the answer was most likely, no.  His response was, "I would be the best helper, mom."  His desire for a sibling is great.  On Saturday I started to get out my maternity clothes, the bump has popped much quicker this time.  He laid on my bed while I rearranged my closet.  Asking me all sorts of questions, like if I had saved my clothes from Koen and if he will take the big brother class again.  Then he just stated so matter of fact, "well, sometimes the baby comes out alive and sometimes it doesn't."  It as if he knew he needed to bring his excitement back down to reality.  I also do this, but it is heartbreaking to see him do the same.  He seems to be more emotional the past few weeks, it could be he is missing his daddy time (Kev has been working 12 hour weekend shifts) or maybe the weight of this is heavier on him than we realize.  Please pray for my Hackett.

I had blood work and a few other tests run on Friday.  I pray all is normal.  I go on Thursday for another ultrasound to check my cervix length.  I pray that this falls into the normal range as well.  I am still spotting, but it is much better than last week.  It is just so much harder this time.  I wish I could fast forward to July.