My Hackett turned 8-years-old this week. I am struggling to come to terms with how quickly these years have raced by. This year I am feeling a wave of emotions and gratitude to God for bringing Hackett safely to me. I know more this year about my body, and how it handles pregnancy. I was an interesting case for the doctors, residents, and interns, during my hospital stay. They always asked specific questions about my pregnancy with Hackett. He arrived safely, at 39 weeks, without issue. It is a miracle. I was working and on my feet, carrying on like pregnant woman without any increased risk. No bed rest with Hackett, yet my cervix remained long enough to keep him safe. It shouldn't have by medical standards, but it did. He was not born premature, bacteria didn't enter his precious home at 27 weeks gestation. Hackett lived, thrived, and grew. He was kept safe against all odds. My first miracle.
When Hackett was born, I was 26, we owned our first house, and had been married two years. I felt so grown up at the time, but my goodness we were so young. The amount of personal growth that has occurred for me during Hackett's eight years of life is astounding. While I was pregnant with Hackett my parents marriage was dissolving. It was messy, difficult, and painful. I tried to protect myself for the sake of my little Hackett who was growing inside of me, but it was a struggle. I see now that God interceded and gave me my first miracle, He brought Hackett safe to my arms, when medically it just shouldn't have been. At that moment in my life I was not emotionally or spiritually strong enough to have my entire life collapsing around me. Knowing that my heart was already broken He saved me from having it shattered. Jesus held my baby safely in my womb. He held me, even when I had put distance between myself and Him. All the while He was calling me to come back closer to Him. He gave me a miracle, but sadly I didn't run back into His arms and snuggle in close. He didn't turn His back and walk away, instead He stood there with open arms and waited. He waited for me. He waited as I took slow cautious steps in His direction.
This year as we celebrated Hackett's 8th year of life I am overwhelmed. It could have been the 8th anniversary of his death. He is a miracle. God loves me so much that He gifted me with Hackett. My Hackett. My sweet, funny, tender, smart Hackett. My Hackett, who I can't physically bear to imagine my life without. My Hackett, who holds my heart. My Hackett, my miracle.
I am overwhelmed as I begin to grasp at the much bigger picture. I am now certain that Hackett was not the first miracle God worked in my life and Tobin won't be the last. How many times does God intercede without us even knowing?
I am Jackie.