Celebrate the Sadness
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Love and laughter

3/4/2014

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There has only been a handful of days in the last 17 years where Kevin and I have not shared a laugh.  Our home is filled with so much love and laughter, even on the hardest of days.  I thank God every day for the gifts He has given me.  My boys, all three of them.  When times are tough, I am even more grateful.  

Kevin.  Anyone who knows him, loves him.  What a gift that I get to be married to someone like that.  His number one priority in life is his little family.  He works hard and excels at his job to provide for us.  Even with the pressures from work, he makes every effort to be home for dinner.  He is Hackett's best friend and playmate.  He is always ready to wrestle, sword fight, or play a game ... even when he is exhausted.  He is my best friend.  My longest standing best friend.  He has a servants heart and will do anything for me without complaint.  In the last month he has started a new stressful role at work.  He also carries the stress of our Little Pumpkin quietly on his shoulders.  Carrying the weight of not only my fears, but also his own.  His shoulders are huge and he helps to lighten my load.  At home he is demanding that I do nothing.  He is fulfilling both the roles of mom and dad right now with ease.  He is doing it all with love and laughter.  Our house, even in the valley, is still the calm oasis that we both love to bask in.  One of the many reasons I was heartbroken to have Koen slip away from us, was because he lost the opportunity to be raised by the best man I have ever known.  The example he sets as a father and husband is beyond compare.  What a blessed woman Hackett's future wife will be.  What a blessed wife I am.

Hackett.  My Hackett.  Anyone who knows him loves him.  What a gift that I get to be a mother to someone like that.  He is just like his daddy in so many ways.  He loves me with his whole heart.  He loves to fill our house with laughter too, and is so good at it!  When he catches me crying his face fills with compassion and he rubs my back.  He knows that my job right now is to rest and try to keep Little Pumpkin as safe as possible.  He has not complained once, quite the opposite.  He has been going out of his way to help me with small jobs.  He makes me homemade coloring pages to do while he is at school, in hopes of keeping me busy while he is away.  He cuddles my belly and sings "You Are My Sunshine" and whispers sweet brother love and the baby dances.  I pray that his sunshine is not taken away, as he has a fierce desire to be a big brother.  He is so full of love.  What a blessed mother I am.

Koen.  My Koen.  Anyone who knows his story loves our angel.  What a gift to be the mother to someone whose story touches lives.  What a gift that I get to be a mother to someone who is held in the arms of Jesus.  He has not been given the opportunity to grace our home with laughter, but he has filled our hearts with so much love.  What a blessed mother I am. 

What a blessed woman I am to be surrounded by so much love and laughter.

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    Author

    I am Jackie.
    I am a child of the one true King.
    I am a wife to my high school sweetheart, Kevin. 
    I am a mom to my three sons - Hackett, Koen (my little angel), and Tobin. 
    I am experiencing loss, heartache, and grief.  On May 27, 2013, at 26 weeks and 6 days I went into the hospital with contractions, only to learn that my Koen's sweet little heart had stopped beating.  
    Tobin was born July 8, 2014.
    I am on a journey . . .

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