It's been a little over two weeks since my emergency room visit, but it feels like so much longer. Such a scary day for us.
I was fine while getting ready for school. I felt fine. Hackett and I walked into his school. The students are not released to their classrooms until a certain time. We were waiting in the hall, Hackett had me walk just a few feet to look at a bulletin board, and I felt a "whoosh". I was carrying some ice cream for his Valentine's party. I didn't know if it was fluid or blood, but I knew it wasn't good and I knew I needed to escape the sea of kids in case it got worse. I quickly handed Hackett the ice cream and told him to go to his classroom when they were released. I bolted to the bathroom, scared to see what I would find. As I sat an the miniature elementary toilet my heart fell to the floor. It was blood and there was a lot. I cleaned myself the best I could I knew I needed medical attention, but was unsure where to go - ER or Labor and Delivery. I walked down the hall and Hackett rushed towards me in tears. Me bolting from him was scary and he didn't know where I had rushed to. I tried to explain that mommy had an emergency and needed to get the bathroom. He buried his head into me and I felt lost. I wanted to care for him, but needed to care for me. My tears started. His principal is the sweetest and saw there was a problem. She knows my history, I just mouthed "I'm bleeding". Her eyes filled with tears and she assured me she had Hackett. I walked out the doors crying and was met by another angel at the school. who got me to my car. My hands were shaking as I called the after hours number and learned the ER was my destination. (I realized later that our Little Pumpkin was not viable yet, so until that date I will not go to Labor and Delivery). The amazing staff at Hackett's school called the high school for me, offered me rides and prayers, and even text me pictures of Hackett safe and happy.
I called Kevin and drove away in tears. I knew the bleeding was not caused by a subchorionic hematoma. I had one of those with Koen, they can see it in the ultrasound. I had confirmed just weeks before that I did not have one present. I thought our baby was gone ... again. At a stoplight in town, a small silver car pulled up next to me and the driver sadly waved. It was Kevin. We drove in tandem to the ER, unsure of what we would learn. They struggled getting my blood pressure, because it was so high. They did an exam, blood work, and a urine sample via catheter. We then waited to be taken to get an ultrasound. It was all so similar to the events with Koen. Waiting for an ultrasound machine to tell us if our baby was alive or dead. While we waited we talked and I told Kevin that I was done. I can't go through this again. I can only bury so many babies. We asked God, "why?". We hope that God wants to show just how many mountains He can move to get Little Pumpkin safely in our arms. We just sat, waited, and stared.
I looked away at the ultrasound. Unable to watch our fate. She was gracious and quickly turned the screen towards us so that we could see Little Pumpkin wiggling and that beautiful heart blinking. We had not lost our baby. We both broke down in sobs of relief.
The ER doctor came in later. He told us that all lab results looked normal and the "fetus" was alive. We needed to go see my OB that afternoon where he would explain more.
I am Jackie.