One of my friends on Facebook posted an article written by Kristin Howerton, titled "Can We Bring the Holidays Down a Notch?". It was written last year, and I am sure it circulated then, and in the last 24 hours I have seen it pop up on many of my other friends pages. Here is the link to the article:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kristen-howerton/can-we-bring-the-holidays_b_2903040.html
After reading this, I loved what Kristin had to say, and shared it on my page. I have continued to reflect on what she had written and on my own life and journey as a mom. I had lots of time to think this morning after waking at five in the morning from a crazy pregnancy dream. In the past I have put pressure on myself to be a perfect mom.
In May of this year, I was knocked off that perfect mom pedestal. Life was no longer about being perfect, it was more about getting through the day. Survival. We buried our son, Koen, and just a week later Hackett was home for the summer on break. My mom had left, Kevin returned to work, and life was back to "normal". I had to function, as a mom, for three months while grieving an incredible loss. Summer fun activities were at a minimum, I didn't feel like "playing", and often struggled to fully engage. Hackett has no siblings to play with, the neighbor kids weren't available until the evenings, so it was just the two of us. The first few weeks were tough, tears for both of us, but we fell into such an amazing rhythm together. Most days we went outside. I simply sat near where Hackett was playing and just stared. Smiling at him and encouraging when appropriate. I didn't come up with amazing craft projects, day trips, or excursions. He just played, created, and lost himself in nature. All with mom close by. I considered it an overwhelming success that I was not curled up in my bed, I was sad on the inside, but I was there. It was a hard summer, but such a peaceful one in so many ways. Life was simple. In many ways I hope this summer is same (minus the overwhelming sadness). Sure some activities and planned fun, but more time for calm and creativity. The rest of Hackett's life will be scheduled and busy, what a gift to be unscheduled.
Koen has taught me how to be a better mom. I have realized I don't need to make Hackett think I am perfect. To him I already am. God gave me my boys as gifts. My boys were given a gift too, me. I am their gift. They don't need over the top holiday celebrations, they need me. If they have me and my attention, then their little lives are complete. That is so easy, and it is perfect. I am calmer, more relaxed, less stressed. What a gift Koen has given me. I just wish he were here to reap the benefits of his lessons.
I fear that all this pressure to be perfect mom's and to make our kids happy, might lead to the opposite. Social media is partly to blame. I'll often ask Kevin, my voice of reason, "is this something I should be doing?", after seeing something on Facebook. His answer is almost always "no"! I remember being excited to pick out something green out of my closet when I was little. Something that simple was fun. Christmas morning made me excited for months with anticipation, even without an elf present for weeks beforehand. Sometimes going over the top is so fun and special, but I think the key is "sometimes"! If it occurs all the time it loses its appeal. I feel like bringing things down a notch will ultimately make my kids happier in the long run. They won't have such high expectations of their employers and spouses. If those high expectations exist, it will lead to disappointment, which will lead to unhappiness. The reality is that life is not a celebration all of the time, it is not perfect, and it is not a Pinterest board. I would much rather have them grow up knowing that a simple life filled with love is perfect, and that they don't have to be.
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