Celebrate the Sadness
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I see him in the sky

11/12/2014

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Tobin and I awoke to the sun slowly lighting up the sky over the Pacific Ocean, just north of Monterey, in California this past Saturday. It started as just a pale blue and quickly added shades of pink. It was spectacular. Seven of my dear girlfriends were still asleep as I held Tobin and just soaked in the beauty. I see Koen in little things every day, but when I look at the sky is when I feel the closest to him.

So much travel encompassed our trip, a bit daunting for my four month old and I, but Saturday was worth the many hours traveled. God put these amazing women in my life six years ago, they are gifts. I drank in their laughter, smiles, and buzz of chatter. I wished I could have bottled it up to bring back to Michigan with me. It was like I never left with these dear friends who know how to love God, their little families, and friends with their whole heart. We had a weekend long high school sleepover, minus all drama. The weather was gorgeous. We hit the beach after breakfast, after lunch, and at sunset.  

At sunset I saw Koen again.  After the sun disappeared into the water the sky morphed into so many different glorious colors.  We all scattered enjoying the moment in our own ways.  I just planted my feet in the sand, snuggled Tobin in close, sang "Lord, I Need You", and cried, so present in the moment and wonder of God.  When one of my dear friends checked on me, I told her "I see him in the sky".  We hugged and cried together.  Then I shared what I had been thinking about while staring at one of the most brilliant sunsets, "I wonder if Koen helps God color every night?".  As the ladies returned with sand dollars and other beach treasures I was surrounded with their presence and love, and I shared with them too.  We all decided that Koen did a really good job that night knowing that mom was watching.  You used so many colors in your heavenly crayon box and Mommy is proud of your work that I see in the sky.  

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Photo credit goes to my girlfriends, many of which know how to work their cameras!
1 Comment
Karla
11/13/2014 09:00:13 am

How I treasure all our time together this past weekend. Thanks for sharing your story here and with us on the beach. I will never look at the sky and all it's colors and not think of Koen. Good thing California has lots of sunshine :-) love you friend! Till next year

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    Author

    I am Jackie.
    I am a child of the one true King.
    I am a wife to my high school sweetheart, Kevin. 
    I am a mom to my three sons - Hackett, Koen (my little angel), and Tobin. 
    I am experiencing loss, heartache, and grief.  On May 27, 2013, at 26 weeks and 6 days I went into the hospital with contractions, only to learn that my Koen's sweet little heart had stopped beating.  
    Tobin was born July 8, 2014.
    I am on a journey . . .

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