My arms are full, so full that I have not had time to write. My brain is tired, so tired that I don't have much energy to think and reflect. What a difference a year has made for us. Last year my arms were aching and my brain was on a nonstop loop of haunting thoughts. This morning Kevin let me sleep in and when I woke up I just laid in bed in the silence for awhile. It felt so good to have a few moments of rested quiet. As I lay there I thought about how far we have come. Not long ago I was riding in an ambulance, thinking that Tobin would arrive at 33 weeks. Not long ago we listened to a NICU doctor tell us that at 24 weeks Tobin had a 50 percent chance of surviving. Not long ago I delivered Koen's sweet little body.
I am Jackie.