I don't have the answers

I started crying before even typing today.  Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day worldwide.  Koen is heavy on my heart, but so are the many who this has impacted - so many of you.  Hackett was asking a lot of questions about heaven last night during our devotion time.  Wondering what language we will speak, how we will all fit, how big heaven is, if we will have houses and beds.  So many of his questions we are unable to answer.  So many questions in life, are unanswerable.  I do not have the answers for Hackett.  I won't have all the answers to a long list of questions until I am in heaven with Jesus.  I don't know why one in four women (and their entire families) experience a loss of a pregnancy or an infant.  I don't know why the heartache impacts 25 percent of momma's. It has been almost two and a half years since I gave birth to Koen, and standing that far out, I may not understand, but I can see.  I see that in my hurt and pain, God has used Koen's death, and life, to touch hearts.  I see that Tobin, brought the joy of life and living back into our home.  Not everyone gets that closure, and I don't have the answers for that either.  But I know I serve and love a God who is real, who knows that life on earth is painful and hurts so very much at times, and yet he remains faithful.  His love never ends.  Seek him, depend on him, and wait quietly for him. Jesus is the answer to all of your questions, all your pain.

Lamentations 3:20-26
I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss.  Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this:  The faithful love of the Lord never ends!  His mercies never cease.  Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.  I say to myself, "The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him." So it is good to wait quietly for salvation from the Lord.

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