God's plan for me

We've made it. You have made it with us. Am I still grieving and missing Koen? Always. The intense grief that I poured out on this blog, especially in the early months, no longer weighs so heavy on my heart on a daily basis. It comes in small waves now, instead of a continual hurricane. I can speak of Koen now with a smile instead of only tears. Beauty has come from ashes. Tobin is here. By the grace of God he is healthy. He is perfect and so loved. He is a miracle. We've made it.

I will continue to write. I will continue to celebrate the sadness. I will continue to pour out my soul. I will continue to give God the glory. I will continue to share my faith. That just may not take place as frequently on my blog, or maybe it will, I will follow God's lead. Right now I feel called to take my story, my testimony, my raw blog posts, dig deeper into scripture, and write. With the intention of sharing my story publicly to women's groups, mom's groups, or wherever God steers me. I have had several people ask me about writing a book. Writing has never been my strong suit, in fact it was painful for me in college. So the idea of writing a book seems way out of my comfort zone, but God has led me far outside my comfort zone this year as I poured out my heart. I am open. I am merely a vessel waiting for God to guide me. I'm Yours, God!

I had shared at my MOPs group in California about parenting. More about information that I had learned from reading and was trying to put into practice. I want to somehow tie this information in too. I am not an expert, and know that it is easy to talk about, but a daily challenge to follow through on. I have always known that children are gifts that God entrusts us with, but even more so today as I hold a gift in one arm and type with my other. It is our responsibility to parent these amazing gifts the way God wants us to - with love, consistency, and grace.

I want help! You have followed me in this journey, I can see how many people read my posts, and the numbers far exceed my Facebook friends. So some of you have been silent supporters and I am thankful for you! I am interested in input from you whether we have met or not. You can post on this blog (anonymously if you want), comment on my Facebook post,send me a Facebook message, or an email: [email protected].  I feel like there are so many directions I can go. I will let the Spirit guide me, but would love to hear from you too. What to include, highlight, what touched you, what was relatable - whether you have lost a baby or not, or anything else that may help me. I am so grateful for all the support that you haven given me. I am truly humbled by it. Thank you!