Today has been emotional for us. I began to research antiocardiolipin antibodies, which is the the autoimmune disease that I tested above normal for. What this means is I am more susceptible to blood clots. A large risk when positive for this is miscarriage and/or still birth. This could have been to blame, in part, for yesterday. My doctor has spoke with our specialist. Having this condition alone would put make me a high risk pregnancy. Add in my history and I am at even more risk. I was already high risk and under close monitoring, so that will not change. In 6 weeks they will retest my blood to see if my levels are still above normal. I will also now be seeing the specialist at 24 weeks, something that hadn't been planned before. My doctors have advised me to take a medical leave of absence from work, and that process has begun. I am not on full bed rest, but limited activity to reduce any chance of the placenta pulling away from my uterus - which they believe is the real cause of the bleeding yesterday that put me in the ER.
My honest truth today is that I am defeated. I am feeling low, sad, and scared. I am upset with my body. I feel my baby move and pray that I won't have to bury our little pumpkin next to our little muffin. At times today I felt physically ill and sick to my stomach. I woke early this morning with thoughts swirling through my head - so much to process. I don't plan to stay in this valley, but today it is where I reside.
We go to bed this evening with very heavy hearts. Today a sweet, loving woman, who meant a great deal to Kev and I, went to see Jesus. She is so loved by us and we will miss her dearly.
2/14/2014 10:59:36 am
Jackie...so sorry for all you are going thru. Please take comfort in knowing that you are very loved by sooo many people. We are all sending tons of prayers and are thinking of you all. Try to rest and relax when you can. Let those two great guys of yours pamper you & LPS! Please let me know if you need ANYTHING and know that I am always there whenever for whatever you all need. Love & Hugs...Lori <3
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I am Jackie.