Celebrate the sadness

On our way home from errands we wanted to take Hackett to the cemetery.  We didn't want his first exposure to be at the funeral on Friday.  We now knew where Koen would be buried and needed to show him.  Showing our son where his brother would be buried is not something I ever planned on doing in my lifetime, yet here we were.  We did it with brave faces, our desire was to give him reassurance.  Death was a new event for Hackett, something he had never had to deal with.  Three days before Koen's birth, my mom had to put her dog to sleep.  She brought him to be buried at our house.  That was Hackett's first taste of death, and he was very emotional.  I was more than concerned for his little head and heart that needed to process death on a much deeper scale.

My first funeral experience was for a distant relative.  An elderly woman who I never recalled even meeting when she was alive.  I think I was about 10 years old when I went with my parents to the viewing.  It was traumatic for me.  I still remember what the room looked like and where the casket was.  The room was full of people.  The adults were standing around and laughing.  I recall being so frustrated and confused.  I wanted to scream that there was a dead body in the room, because to me it seemed that no one noticed.  It was too much for my 10-year-old mind to comprehend.  My fear was that this would be far to much for Hackett's 6-year-old sensitive and tenderhearted mind.  As we drove home from the cemetery we explained to him the plans for Friday, which included everyone gathering at our house after the service.  I told him that tears would be flowing at the cemetery, but that conversation and laughter may occur at our house after.  Assuring him that was okay, and natural.  My very insightful, old-souled, Hackett replied "so we will kind of being celebrating the sadness?".  Exactly buddy, we would be celebrating the sadness.  Tears and such great sadness would not be present without such a strong love for our Koen.  The ripping out of our hearts would be celebrated that day.  Our love and loss would be celebrated.  My hope is that someday we can help other families celebrate their sadness too.