47 weeks

On Monday of this week, Kevin and I were talking about me being 22 weeks on Tuesday (yesterday).  Kevin let out a big sigh and said, "I feel like you have been pregnant for so much longer".  I agreed and replied, "like 47 weeks".  47 is one of my favorite over exaggerated numbers, if not 47 always some number with a 7 at the end.  These 22 weeks have been a fight and a struggle.  It is hard to hold your breath for that long and know that there is still so much longer to go.  It's like we have only made it halfway across the pool.  It does feel like much longer.

After we hung up the phone, I started to think.  Oh my goodness, I have been pregnant for 47 weeks.  I gave birth to Koen at 26 weeks 6 days, and on Monday I was 21 weeks 6 days pregnant with Tobin.  So not exactly 47 weeks, but close and even 12 days beyond.  Such a long time to hope, pray, and dream of a baby.  

We continue to hope, pray, and dream of Tobin.  It seems that all three of us have allowed ourselves to "go there".  It is as if, as a family, we have given Tobin and our trust over to God.  Believing that Tobin will be in our home in July.  We talk, plan, and love on little Tobin.  Hackett is so attached to his little brother.  He talks, sings, and snuggles my belly on a regular basis.  He gives me a hug and then Tobin one.  He often feels Tobin "kicking" even when I don't ... he wants to be part of this process so bad.  Kevin talks to his Toby V and dreams out loud about the things we will do with him and how our family with change when he arrives.  I am taking fabrics that were purchased for Koen, and new ones especially for Tobin, and have begun sewing blankies and things for his room.  I purchased this sweet little outfit to bring him home from the hospital in (and his matching blankie I sewed is underneath).  We not only want Tobin, we need him in our family.  

I went in for blood work on Monday.  This will either confirm or deny my auto immune disease.  If it is confirmed then it will add more risk.  The risk is cells attacking themselves and blood clots.  I could be put on a blood thinner, but doing that also causes other risks.  I am just having faith that no matter the diagnosis and treatment, God will continue to have His protective hand on Tobin and my body.  I go to see the specialist on April 9th.  They will do a ultrasound on that day as well.  This will give me an updated measurement of my cervix.  If it continues to stay close to normal, I will be okay.  If it measures shorter, than it is possible that some course of action will need to take place.  Again, we must continue to trust.  I cry as I type this, but my the grace of God, these realities and fears do not rule my thoughts.  I have peace and am doing good.  I am thankful that in the last few weeks I have not had any bleeding, scares, or bad news.  I am just focusing on my love for the sweet life growing and moving inside of me.