29 weeks

29 weeks today!!! When I was laying in the hospital almost five weeks ago, the 29 week mark seemed so far away. A goal, but one I wasn't sure we would achieve. We made it. We are only 2 weeks away from our miracle mark. My specialist told us if we could make it to 31 (or 32) weeks it would be a miracle, but that if we did it would be possible to make it to full term. At that week mark often the pelvis structure will take over the role of holding the baby in and take the pressure off of the cervix. We have made it five weeks, why not two more? My cesarean was to be scheduled at 38 weeks, but our doctor fully supports it being scheduled at 37 weeks if we make it that far. That is only eight weeks away, eight more weeks and Tobin could arrive healthy and safe. I pray he is a July baby!

As with any week lately, there were also some low moments. Mother's Day was hard, heartbreaking to feel joyful on a day celebrating being a mom when I have one baby in heaven and another one fighting in my womb. Kevin and I joked that the novelty of breakfast in bed has lost it's appeal. I will be so excited to eat at a table!

Two weeks from today, on the 27th, is Koen's birthday. On Thursday, I had to go to the hospital, in Midland, for a NST (non stress test), where they monitor Tobin's heart rate, fetal movement, and any possible contractions. They do the monitoring in a triage-type room on the labor and delivery floor. There are three beds in this room, separated by curtains. This is the same room we were in when we learned that Koen's heart had stopped beating. The room where we broke down in sobs. The room where I felt my heart break into pieces. The room where my contractions started to amp up. The room I learned I was in labor and dialated. The room where I had to make the decision to deliver my sweet, precious, dead baby boy. Now I will go to that room every week and pray that the monitor provides us with the sweet sound of Tobin's heartbeat. My strong little Tobin Victor, who has a heart of a champion.